"Diarmuid Martin - That Fucker!"

It goes without saying that the statement in this post's title was never uttered by me. Archbishop Diarmuid Martin of Dublin is, unusually for a member of the Irish Catholic hierarchy, a man for whom I have an ocean of respect and regard. He is possessed of a quiet, unaffected charm, as well as being a man who attempts to be a true witness to his faith. He is also a man of great compassion for his fellow men, though this has been his undoing in the eyes of one rather sad specimen of pseudo humanity.

There is this individual (let's call him Toby) who has a habit of dropping in to see me uninvited. He seems to think himself so important, and everyone else so unimportant, that he can just arrive and be entertained. Many have been the occasions when I have been really busy, and my first response would have been to tell him to f"*k off (with knobs on), but I have been too indulgent towards him. On his most recent visit he started to "give out" about the pope and how he had covered up cases of clerical sexual abuse. I have long been upset by this, and so I listened to what he had to say, knowing well that it was perhaps less than sincere. (He is a man who has long been annoyed at not having been invited to join the Knights of St. Columbanus, an influential right-wing Catholic lay group. This surprises me, as recently they've been taking any scoundrel in. He has even explored the possibilities of joining the Free Masons.) I expressed my own feelings of disquiet about the handling by the Catholic Church of this sad phenomenon, and how the hierarchy had perhaps done less than they should. I immediately added how much I respected the comments made on this issue by Dr Diarmaid Martin.
"Diarmaid Martin, that fucker?" was the response. I asked why he said this.
"He wanted to bring back that black bastard that was deported."
Now as Toby knows how I feel about such intemperate racist language I went straight on the attack. Diarmaid Martin was obviously, I said, a man who took his Christianity seriously, who saw every man, woman and child on this planet as having been made in the likeness of God. I told him that he was obviously sick and unhappy, that I wake up each morning thankful for an an opportunity to experience the wonders of the world, not wondering who can I hate or despise today. Furthermore I stated that when I meet anyone, regardless of their skin colour, creed, sexual orientation or whatever, I view that person as having been sent to me by God and maybe they are God.

Yet none of this cut the slightest ice with Toby. I was told that the "black bastard" was an "illegal immigrant, who had been educated by the Irish tax payer, and ..." here I cut him off. I was so angry by this statement that I could have hit him. I'll explain elsewhere the reasons for my choler. I reminded him that many of the hundreds of thousands of people who left Ireland for England or America were technically illegal.
"But we worked" he answered, whereupon I reminded him of the stereotypes common in both England and Ireland of the lazy mick. It should be remembered that those seeking refugee status in Ireland were not allowed to work, whether they wanted to or not. As for the crap about "illegal immigrants", this man doesn't accept that there should be even legal immigrants, while the excreta about working is just that. He doesn't like the "black bastards" because, according to his sick worldview, they don't work; he doesn't like the Poles and Balts because they take Irish jobs and because they work.

I hate people with "one track minds" - though I might not mind if Toby had a more traditional "one track mind". This phenomenon usually speaks of a deeper mental malaise. It doesn't seem to matter what you're talking about with him, he'll bring it back to his sick racist prejudice. I recall the joy I felt when Rosie first pushed me around Cavan in my wheel chair. I was like a child seeing my native town again for the first time. I was also so impressed by how sympathetic the majority of motorists were who always stopped so as to allow us to cross a street. Yet when I related this to my "acquaintance" the response I got was "None of them were fucking foreigners." This was as stupid as it was banal. How could he say with such certainty that none of them were "fucking foreigners"? We didn't ask them for ID or a passport before they let us cross.


When Toby starts on his prejudicial philippics, whether against foreigners, gays, women... whatever you're havin' yourself, I feel physically sick. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to violently puke into his face. As I said above, I felt like hitting him. A number of things stopped me. The idea of me trying to hit anyone in my physical state would be laughable. But while I was very angry with him and what I perceived to be his insensitivity of my feelings I also felt immense pity for him. I could have floored him intellectually - I've been around long enough not to be frightened by stupid bigots. But I also felt that he was more of a danger to himself than to anyone else. I genuinely believe that he is not a bad person, just someone who has a whole lot of issues which only he can sort out. He has known his fair share of personal tragedy, indeed some would say more than his fair share. He is a very talented specialist who has been "fucked around", refused work and jobs for which he was more than entitled and qualified. But the people doing this weren't "Black Bastards" (how I hate that phrase) from Nigeria or Romania, but good white Irish people.

Toby attends Mass on a Sunday, usually going to the 10 o'clock showing in Cavan town's cathedral (which I long ago hristened "The Golf-Club at Prayer"). He probably believes in a place called Heaven, and all things being equal he stands as good a chance of getting there as the rest of us. But what would happen if, on passing through the pearly gates, St Peter turns out to be black? Will he demand relocation to the other place? Ah but sure I'm only wandering. He is betting on the existence of a nice Irish, White, Catholic heaven. (You've heard the joke about the guy who's being given a guided tour of heaven by an angel. As he rushes along the angel says. "In there are the Jews, over there are the Baptists, Around the corner are the Muslims..." As they walk along they come to an enclosure with a very high wall. The man asks the angel "who's in there?"
"Shhh, keep your voice down. That's where the Catholics are" replies the angel in a whisper.
"But why are you talking in a whisper?" asks the man.
"Because they think they're the only ones up here." answered the angel.

Racism and racists

Most people are by now well aware of how I feel about non-Irish people coming to work or live here. I welcome them unreservedly. I hope they have a good time and I also hope many of them will settle down and make their live here and maybe set up businesses. They don't frighten me. They do not tweak some deep-seated insecurity. Some of the women are beautiful, even though I'm spoken for, thanks to a girl who is herself not a native of Ireland.

I suppose I can understand how the advent of difference upsets people, especially older folk. For so long they were used to people leaving Ireland in droves, so the idea of large numbers of people coming in the opposite direction. However, my dear and lovely mother, Mary Parker, who passed away this July at the age of 88, had no such feelings of insecurity. Perhaps like her son she knew that the people who really make you feel scared are your white neighbours.

These people are not bad or evil in themselves. Their fears though are played upon by wicked and mischievous people.

What I would say to any of them is: I understand how you feel, but I don't agree with you. There is nothing to fear. I would also appeal to them to show some class and to eschew the cornerboy rhetoric. Alright, so you don't like foreigners, but why refer to them with a rare flight of allieration as "fucking foreigners"? Or the other phrase which disgusts me because of its innate violence "black bastards". If one quarter of the world's population cause them such unease why not call them niggers or coons - equally offensive but not as violent and full of hate as the preceding. This type of language is meant to demean non-Irish people, but the only ones whom it demeans are the Irish people who use it. It's the equivalent of calling people Fenian bastards, dirty Jews or enemies of the people. It leads inexorably in the direction of Auschwitz.

Racism in Northern Ireland

Hardly a week goes by without a report of an attack on immigrants in Northern Ireland. They are subjected to verbal and physical abuse, while their homes are frequently petrol-bombed. The source of these reprehensible actions are usually Loyalist youths, inspired and encouraged by their political leadership. These people come from a culture that defined itself in hatred, hatred especially of Catholics. Many, if asked to define what being a Protestant meant, would answer that it wasn't being a Catholic. Tague-baiting was in the blood.

However, it's a little bit politically incorrect these days. But they still need people to hate and despise. The Poles are Catholics - the former "whore of Babylon" (the anachronistic name used to refer to the pope) was Polish, so there you go. Tagues by another name, probably Tadeusz, who are aiming to take over the North and turn it into a boot-camp for the Jesuits, the pope's SAS. The same goes fo the Lithuanians. The Latvians are a different quantity. Those from the Latgale region of the country's south-east are Catholic, but the rest could be Russian Orthodox or even Protestants. But fuck it Sammy, they're fuckin' foreigners.

It is sad that so many of those in the south of Ireland, who would profess themselves the sworn enemies of this loyalist scum, should also have a similar thwarted world view and poisoned vocabulary.

The Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI) seem to be doing a very good job in countering these hate attacks. For their fight against extremism and this new form of bigotry they deserve the unqualified support of all sections of the community and all political parties and formations. Remember, the PSNI is not the RUC (the Royal Ulster Constabulary) or the B specials (the loyalist paramilitary squads who were their predecessors). And Thank God, they are not An Garda Siochana (The police force of the Irish Republic), better known as "The fukkin' gyards."

Baldy saves the Barrow-boy's bacon

Michael Mc N'e'er-do-well is a man with right-wing sympathies. He isn't quite a fascist though, not in the mould of the GRA squadristi. He gets upset when he is the target of personal abuse, so, if you're reading this Michael, turn away. He was born with a silver foot up his arse, but for anyone who ever observed him walking up Kildare Street to the Irish parliament there was an uncomfortable feeling that that wasn't the only thing he liked up his arse. He used to wear this white suit and let's just say he was effected in his deportation. A friend of mine from Brighton, on seeing him exclaimed: "Oooooh, Get Her!!!!" and followed up with a question as to whether he was married. I assured him he was but got the reply. "That proves nothing."

Now I think it is fairly obvious that I don't like Michael Mc Ne'er Do Well that much. But you know, he probably doesn't like me a bunch either. We both have to live on the same planet sort of stuff. But leaving aside the personal abuse and dislike there is one thing that I have to say about Baldy: he is the Minister. He is appointed by and responsible to the legislature of this banana republic. We're a democracy, and that's how we do things in democracies. It is a fundamental principle called the separation of powers. Now Democracy and the separation of powers are probably too complicated for the likes of GRA general secretary P.J. Stoned - let's face it you don't have to be Mastermind to get in Templemore - but as public servants the police must accept government policy and implement it. They cannot oppose it or undermine it. If they are not happy with the minister's Police Reserve they can only do one thing - get out. In fact I believe that any attempt to undermine or obstruct the acts of the legislature can be construed as acts of insubordination. And the response of the minister in such circumstances must be to sack those policemen and policewomen who are standing in the way of the police reserve. What's more their dismissal must be accompanied by the removal of all pension entitlements. A bit harsh maybe? Well their actions are nothing short of rebellion against the democratic and constitutional order, and they should count themselves lucky not to be imprisoned. Let's face it in some "Police States" they might be tortured or even executed.

And remember that the Irish police force, while numbering amongst its members many brave and hard-working souls, has been found by a commission of enquiry to be riddled with serious indiscipline and corruption. The response of the GRA? Hardly surprising. More or less "Shut up yez fuckers or we'll bring yez into the barracks and beat the shit out of ye". The response of the Police Commissioner? "We knew what was going to be in the commission's report before it was published and we've addressed all the issues already, so there's no problem." Commissioner Noel Conroy is wasted. Look at all the money he could make as a clairvoyant. Instead he wears a ridiculous uniform with epaulettes. He should be sacked as he is patently incompetent.

We're talking high stakes here. If we are sincere about defending our democratic values we must be prepared to fight for them against thugs in our midsts. And if P.J. Stoned and his fascist thugs don't like living in a democracy they can fuck off to somewhere more to their liking like Burma, or maybe they can join Borat in Kazakhstan. But I forget: as they are such a linguistically challenged crowd they'd have to go to somewhere where English is spoken.

Baldy McDowell is supportive, on paper at least, of another praiseworthy development; greater recruitment by our dear guards of members of ethnic minorities. Are you mad Mick? If white members of the reserve are to be hated and detested just think what some poor bastard from Nigeria or Zimbabwe would have to face,

And just to make up for calling him Baldy I've given him some nice hirsute locks. He can't ask for more.

P. J. Stoned

A common pseudo-scientific notion of the Victorian age was that of criminal physiognomy. There were those who, by the cut of their gib, betokened criminality. Most criminals looked a certain way, and if you were unfortunate enough to have a criminal face well let's just say you were more than likely to end up in Broadmoor or better still in Botany Bay or Van Diemen's Land. If you then had some prominent bushy red facial hair your criminal career was assured.

This twaddle has long been exposed for the rot it is. Yet there are those who look dodgy. Take for example the Irish prime minister Bertie Ahern. Maybe it's just that he looks shifty. But for the real, honest-to-God criminal mien we need look no further than P.J. Stone, general secretary of the Irish Garda Representative Association (GRA). He is widely regarded by association members for dealing with vexatious allegations of corruption and indiscipline amongst members. But do a line drawing, stick it up on a few walls and maybe in the Hue and Cry, and all that's needed is the word "Wanted". In fact, his head has that particular shape which Victorians associated with serious mental dysfunction. In fact, P.J. Stoned would be well advised never to go near an identity parade, for he would be sure to be fingered for any crime.

At the moment he is at daggers drawn with fellow fascist pig Michael Baldy McDowell, over the latter's attempts to introduce a reserve police force. As the presence of a group of reservists might show up the lazy-arsed wasters who make up so much of the Irish police force this move has attracted the ire of P.J. Stoned. At a recent meeting he stated that members of the reserve would be "hated and detested". So they would join a long list of people who are already "hated" by GRA members. These include "fucking foreigners", "black bastards", "knackers" and indeed tiresome members of the public. It is also possible to be "hated" by association. The partner of a very prominent local government official who is active in travellers' rights, is spoken of with warmth by members of the local police force.

Poor John Carthy of Abbeylara knew what it was like to be hated by the Guardians of the Peace. John had mental issues which could have been addressed before he was forced like a rabbit from a snare into the sights of the Garda Emergency Response Unit. In the subsequent enquiry the Gardai attempted to say that this was a case of an extremely bizarre phenomenon referred to in the United States as "Death by Cop", i.e. where someone induces the police to shoot them. In my opinion it was far more like the form of execution practiced until recently in the state of Utah: death by firing squad.

Now I know I'm a bit thick but there is one group who never seem to be "hated" by GRA members - criminals. But Nigerians, Poles, "Black Romanian Bastards", members of the travelling community etc. are, unlike your average criminal, unlikely to represent any real physical danger to the Irish police force. They can be kicked around with impunity.

P.J. Stoned is nothing if not an honest representative of his profession. In his "hate-filled" jeremiad (look up the meaning P.J. if you don't know it) he also referred to a similar attempt to set up a reserve back in 1939. This encountered similar opposition from the Guardians of our peace. The first Irish police commissioner was none other than that disgusting pervert Eoin O'Duffy, progenitor of a dangerous and diseased race, who subsequently went on to found the "proto"-Fascist Army Comrades Association, better known as the Blueshirts. Some Blueshirts, after having received the long-armed blessing of the Irish hierarchy, fought communism in Spain though their actions were more comic than tragic. This is not the place to recount how Irish volunteers fired on a group of brown, and thus communist soldiers, who were unfortunately members of the Spanish Foreign Legion i.e. their own side. Therefore, at the beginning of the Second World War such a reserve was bound to cause anger amongst the fascist sympathisers in the Irish Police force who would have liked nothing better than hand our nation over to their Italian and German fellow travellers. Even rounding up Ireland's few hundred Jews for internment or worse would not have taken them more than a few week's work.

Irish crime boss John Gilligan would still be sitting pretty on his ill-gotten gains, but for the martyrdom of journalist Veronica Guerin. She had to pay for governmental ambivalence and yes, Garda collusion with organised crime, with her life. And let's not forget that it was an Irish, white assassin who shot her, after he had been informed she had left a court by a member of An Garda Siochana.

Why do I care about this? It's because I belong to a group of people who have long been despised by the "able-bodied". I know what prejudice tastes like. Recently I have been able to travel around Cavan town with my darling girlfriend Rosie. Motorists have shown themselves really helpful when I am being pushed across a road in my chair. One group who have consistently shown disregard for our plight in crossing streets, motoring on regardless, have been drivers of police cars. No doubt they were hurrying to apprehend a group of Nigerians breaking into a sweetshop.